20 Questions to Ask an Accountability Partner

Toward honesty

When you sense the account isn’t finished.

1. What did you leave out?
2. Is that the whole account, or the part that was easiest to say?
3. What are you hoping we won’t ask?
4. If no one had asked you tonight, would you have said this?

Toward specificity

When the account is vague.

5. What was going on in the hours before?
6. You called it a slip. Walk me through the decisions.
7. Where were you? What time was it? What was in your hand?
8. What were you telling yourself right before?

Toward ownership

When you hear someone else in his sentence.

9. Can you say that again in one sentence, with you as the subject?
10. Who else is in your account, and do they belong there?
11. What did you want in that moment? Did you get it?
12. What part of this was your choice?

Toward need

Before the conversation ends.

13. What do you need from us before we meet again?
14. Who needs to hear this who hasn’t?
15. What would it look like to obey in that exact moment next time?
16. Who is calling you this week, and when?

Toward pattern

When you’ve heard the same account before.

17. You’ve told us this three weeks running. What are you not seeing?
18. When did this start? What was different before?
19. What has changed since you first told us?
20. What would you say to a brother giving this account?

Five questions to stop asking

1. “Did you look at anything this week?” Yes-or-no questions invite yes-or-no answers, and “no” ends the conversation even when it isn’t true.
2. “How’s everybody doing?” It invites “good” from everyone. Ask who wants to give his account first.
3. “Are you staying on track?” Too vague to answer honestly. On track with what?
4. “Do you want us to keep holding you accountable?” It puts the job back on the group. Ask, “What are you going to tell us next week?”
5. “Why did you do that?” Early on it invites a defense. Ask what happened and what you chose first.

These depend on the man going first. For a simple shape for his report, use The Weekly Self-Report.