Our culture has a pretty clear message about how to be happy: work hard, play hard, collect the experiences, and take care of you. Self-care. Self-improvement. Self-expression.
And yet we’re lonelier than ever. Surveys keep finding that a large share of Americans feel lonely most weeks, and young adults have it worst. The more we turn inward, the more disconnected we get.
Peter offers a different way. He calls Christians “sojourners and exiles” (1 Peter 2:11), people who live here but belong somewhere else. Then, near the end of his letter, he gives them a kind of basic training for keeping that identity in a world that keeps pulling them back in.
The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 4:7–11)
“The end is at hand”
People who love end-times charts get excited about verse 7. But Peter wasn’t predicting a date. Jesus had already told him that wasn’t his business (Acts 1:7), and had even told him he’d grow old (John 21:18).
What Peter learned from Jesus was that the nearness of the end is a reason to pray, and to stay awake. Jesus warned that the end would be a trap for people whose hearts were “weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life” (Luke 21:34). The danger isn’t missing the date. The danger is drifting.
Why you can’t do this alone
I once did a GoRuck event, a long, grueling team challenge. At the end, a guy in his twenties said something I’ve never forgotten: “I could never have done this stuff alone.”
That’s the whole point of this passage. Every one of these four habits is plural. They’re things you do with and for other people.
1. Stay clear-headed so you can pray
“Be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.”
If you’re drunk on the world, whether that’s screens, stuff, success, or the actual bottle, you won’t have any appetite for prayer. You’ll slowly slide into believing this world is what really matters.
Here’s the hard question: if you started drifting, who would be close enough to notice? Most of us can’t see our own slide. We need friends near enough to say, “Hey, you’re not yourself.”
2. Keep loving one another earnestly
“Above all.” Of everything Peter could say, this is the one he puts on top.
The word for “earnestly” carries the idea of stretching, going further than is comfortable. And notice why: “love covers a multitude of sins.” Exiles aren’t perfect. The stress of living in a foreign land makes us say and do things we regret. Something has to cover those things, or they’ll sink the ship.
Covering sin isn’t pretending it didn’t happen. It’s choosing not to make every offense a federal case. It sounds like, “Yeah, she can be a lot. I love her anyway.” Peace in a church usually means under-accusing, over-repenting, and over-forgiving.
If there’s someone in your church you’ve been keeping score with, settle it. The Lord’s Table is a great place to do that.
3. Open your home, and don’t grumble about it
Hospitality isn’t Pinterest-worthy hosting. Paper plates are fine. Frozen pizza is fine. The front door of your home is one of the main doorways to someone’s heart, and a lot of friendships that last a lifetime start at a kitchen table.
And Peter adds “without grumbling,” because he knows us. Inviting people over is inconvenient. Do it anyway.
4. Use your gift
“As each has received a gift.” Each. Not just the talented ones.
I hear it all the time: “I don’t really have anything to give.” That’s not true, and Peter won’t let you say it. Whatever you have was given to you, and it was given so you could serve someone else.
Then look at the purpose clause in verse 11: “in order that in everything God may be glorified.” That flips a lot of our thinking about church. We tend to come asking, Was I fed? Was I welcomed? Did I like the music? Did anybody invite me over? Peter asks a different question: Who did you serve, and in whose strength?
God is glorified when you care more about others during church than about yourself. When somebody holds the gospel so dear that nothing short of a real emergency keeps them from teaching the kids, running the sound board, fixing the toilet, or bringing snacks.
Your training plan
The simplest way to practice all four habits at once is a small group: a handful of people who pray together, love each other through real life, eat at each other’s tables, and serve side by side. If you don’t have one, here’s why it’s worth joining, and here’s what actually happens when you show up.
You’re an exile. You don’t have to be a lonely one.