The Man I'd Most Hate to Miss

When I was building Agōn, I kept three men in my head. They aren’t real people. They’re composites. But you probably know all three, and you may be one of them.

The freshman

He’s nineteen and just moved into a dorm. For the first time in his life, nobody around him knows his habits. Nobody notices if he sleeps through church. Nobody sees what’s on his screen at two in the morning.

He isn’t rebelling. He’s just alone in a way he’s never been before, and habits that were held up by his parents’ house start to sag.

What he needs is a few older men who know his name and see his account every evening. Paul told a young man, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). A nineteen-year-old can do that. It’s easier when somebody’s in his corner.

The retiree

He retired a little early. He’s been reading his Bible every morning for thirty years. He’s not flashy about it. He just does it, the way he’s always done it.

He may think he doesn’t need accountability. But younger men need him. They need to see that faithfulness can last for decades, not weeks. Titus says, “Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness” (Titus 2:2). A few verses later he says, “Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:6). The older men go first.

The psalmist prayed for exactly this: “So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation” (Psalm 71:18). A man like that, on a weekly call with a nineteen-year-old, is a gift to both of them.

The one in the middle

Then there’s the man I’d most hate to miss.

He’s in his forties. He’s got teenagers at home, a job that takes more than it gives, and a body that has started fighting him. His back hurts. He doesn’t sleep well. He used to work out; now he’s mostly tired.

He loves Jesus. He just doesn’t have much left at the end of the day. And on the hard days, he’s tempted to escape. Maybe it’s the phone. Maybe it’s a drink, or three. Maybe it’s the couch and a screen until midnight. None of it feels like a decision. It feels like survival.

He doesn’t need another program. He’s tried programs. He’s started and stopped more plans than he can count, and each one left him a little more convinced that he’s the problem.

What the tired man needs

When Elijah collapsed under the broom tree and asked to die, God didn’t start with a lecture. An angel brought him bread and water and let him sleep. Then woke him and fed him again (1 Kings 19:4–8). God dealt with his body before He dealt with his discouragement.

I wanted Agōn to treat the middle man that way.

Small disciplines. Not seven heroic ones. A few he can keep on a bad day.

Room to be honest about effort. When he marks a discipline, he can say it was easy, a fight, or that he barely kept it. “Barely” still counts. A man who barely kept it on the worst day of his month should get credit for the fight, and his brothers should know he’s in one.

Grace built into the week. A free skip. An optional Sabbath. A day that stays open until the next morning. A miss isn’t a collapse.

Brothers who notice the fade. Men like him rarely fall all at once. They fade. A few brothers seeing his account every evening will see the fade in days, not months. “Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:10).

Why they belong together

The best cohort might have all three men in it.

The retiree steadies the group. The freshman brings energy and questions. And the man in the middle gets carried for a while, until he’s strong enough to carry someone else. “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

If you’re the man in the middle, I built this with you in mind. You don’t have to fix everything. You just have to tell a few brothers the truth about today, and let them help you get to tomorrow.

Agōn seasons run twelve weeks with four to six men. You can get the app at agon1230app.com.